December 22, 2004
Getting scared
Prior to my appointment today, I broke down in the shower and started crying. I was just suddenly overwhelmed with the realization that in a month, I wouldn't be pregnant any more. I would be a mother. And I felt totally unprepared.
Not only are Dale and I moving in the next few weeks, I'll be switching doctors. I have my first appointment with a new doctor next week. Fortunately, she's been highly recommended by a friend of the family (who also dealt with gestational diabetes), but it's still a big change to make at this date.
We also still have so much baby gear to buy. Necessary items, like diapers, bottles, clothes. We don't even have the crib yet! My parents ordered the crib for us months ago. We were told it would take 8-12 weeks for delivery. It's been 8 weeks and we haven't heard anything yet. I just called the store and the woman looked up the order info, then said she'd have to call the manufacturer tomorrow then call us back.
When Dale found my crying in the shower, he talked to me and tried to comfor me. He even declared we'd go shopping tonight to get some of the stuff we need.
I was also freaking out because we haven't taken any childbirth classes yet. No tours of the hospital and labor/delivery areas. All that I know to expect is the bits of stories I've heard from other women. I just shocked myself with how unprepared I am and there's no time left. Olivia could be born any time in the next 4 1/2 weeks.
Although the appointments this afternoon reassured me about my and Olivia's physical status, I'm still feeling very stressed, scared, and emotional. On the way home from the clinic, I was listening to Evanescense. In particular, the song My Immortal. I was listening to the lyrics very closely as usual, because I can't decide if she's singing about a relationship that broke up or someone who died. Either way, it's a heartbreaking song and I started crying again. Then the song ended, I was still crying, and I started it up again and cried until I distracted myself from the CD by stopping to get the mail.
I'm still feeling drained but edgy. Suddenly, the biggest event of my life is upon me, and I feel totally unprepared.
35 wk Ultrasound and Checkup
At last week's checkup, Misty had been a little concerned that I would be in Houston next week and unable to get an ultrasound, so she suggested moving the next measuring session to this week. I commented on that to the tech before my ultrasound and she cleared it with the doctor, so we did the full check today.
I'm 35 wks 4 days. Olivia's still measuring about a week ahead. They estimate her weight at 6lbs 6oz., so she's gained about a pound and a half in the three weeks since the last measurements were taken. She's also moved up to the 67% percentile, size-wise. She's still within the normal range though, and Dr. Darby said he can't see anything at all to be concerned about. Her heart rate is good, all four chambers are visible and working, she was fairly active (thanks to caffeine and a proscribed cinnamon candy on the way to the appointment), we saw her practice breathing, and the placenta is still in place. She basically showed or did everything they want to see during one of these exams.
I know she's been head-down for a while now, but I asked the tech to show me how she's positioned inside me. I tend to feel the strongest movements in the upper left side of my belly. The tech explained she's head-down, facing my left side. Her back is on my right with her little butt on the upper right of my belly. Her legs are tucked back down along my left side, so the movements we usually feel on the left are her feet and hands.
Right at the start of the ultrasound, we got a fairly good view of her profile. Later, I asked about getting some pictures and when we tried, Olivia was being coy. She basically had her face pressed against the placenta, so we didn't get a good profile. We did manage to capture a bit of her current pretzel posture, with a foot and hand both up by her face.
(Click for a slightly larger image that's not semi-transparent)
Once again, her parts are obvious to me. If you're having a hard time figuring out what is what, I've also uploaded a copy of the picture with a bit of outlining.
Before I left Dr. Darby's office, I did asked about having to deliver early because of the gestational diabetes (something the endocrinologist's nurse had touched on briefly on Monday). Dr. Darby explained that with most g.d. patients, early delivery isn't a concern, but they wouldn't want me to carry past my due date. I'm anxious to have her now, while being afraid of delivering early, just because I know it's best for Olivia to stay in utero until she's full term. At least I don't have to worry about her going post-term.
I thought my checkup would be the usual quick exam/how am I feeling routine. It diverted a bit. After my vitals were taken, I was told to strip from the waist down. Ann came in and swabbed my cervix with a giant q-tip for a Group B Strep test. Apparently, I can be carrying the bacteria and not show any ill effects, but it can be passed to the baby during vaginal delivery. So if I come up positive, they'll be putting me on antibiotics.
I've had strep throat before, numerous times. I never thought I'd have to have the other end of me checked for strep!
While I was in position, Ann also checked to see if I've started dilating. I haven't.
I think Olivia has started to drop. Since Sunday, my belly suddenly feels much heavier and unwieldy. Even sitting is more of a challege, because rather than just letting my belly rest on my thighs, it feels like it's so low, I should let it hang between my thighs. But I don't feel any more pressure in my pelvis. It's more like she dropped forward and out than straight down.
Earlier this week, I also saw tiny amounts of semi-old blood after peeing, but not in the last two days. That turned out to be common as well. Intercourse or just standing extensively can cause that at this stage of pregnancy.
Finally, the bad pelvic pain that was my biggest problem during my second trimester has started up again. It never went away completely, but it dulled down to where I hardly noticed it any more, even though it was constant. This week, it's back with a vengeance. Any movement such as putting on or removing pants, stairs, and just walking results in a very sharp pain low in the center of my pelvis. This also makes turning over in bed a very painful and tedious process. I can barely get into our own bed because it's so high and it hurts so much to lift my leg like that to crawl onto the bed.
Still, all my complaints are normal and nothing that makes the doctors and nurses worry about me or the baby.
One last thing, in the three weeks since Olivia was last measured, she's gained about 1 1/2lbs. I've gained - nothing. So, my little baby has sucked away another pound and a half from me. No wonder I'm constantly hungry!
Gestational diabetes update
Monday I had another appointment with my endocrinologist's nurse about the gestational diabetes. It was a routine meeting. She looked over my logs, decided how much to increase my dosages, and discussed non-carb snack options with me. She also reminded me to have someone call my endocrinologist when I go into labor because they want to have someone constantly checking my glucose levels.
She also told me to schedule a follow-up one-hour glucose tolerance test six weeks after the baby is born to make sure the gestational diabetes is gone. When I asked her if that meant I had to continue with the special diet until then, she said no. As soon as I deliver, I can start eating normally again.
After I got home and shared the news with Dale, I jokingly told him to be ready to hand me a Snickers bar as soon as the umbilical cord is cut.
One Month Left!
It's now just one month until my due date of January 22, 2005!